Small talk
by Blue eyed fantasies
Summary: Now the whole institute was here, laughing about his sex life, even his bloody mother. Just a fluffy one-shot that I wrote which could happen anywhere in the books or after if we pretend CoLS didn't happen. Some swearing and sexual references. Please R


**This is extremely short, just a little idea that I quickly knocked together. In fact it was going to be much longer but I'm lazy. However, it is my second attempt at fluff and humour; my last one-shot ended in tragedy with both of them dying so let's hope this one goes better...;) It doesn't have ANY ANGST, well maybe one sentence...but that's a big achievement for me, being an angst lover. **

**I don't think it's been done that much already but if it has, then sorry. Please tell me what you think in a review...:)**

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Magnus and Alec had been walked in on countless times by every single member of the Lightwood family, each time in a steadily more compromising position than the last.

It was when Jace had walked in on Magnus licking melted chocolate and whipped cream off a certain...area of Alec's that he never wanted to see, that he finally snapped. "Enough is enough Alec!" he had yelled the day after to a tomato red Alec. "I'm not going to be able to drink a hot chocolate for months! Can't you just...stay at Magnus' and restrict all naughty activities to his place?" he had asked, seething.

Alec wasn't about to tell Jace that no, they couldn't do that because Magnus was an exhibitionist and rather enjoyed the thrill of the fear that they might get caught. He merely mumbled, "you and Clary do it too," his face aflame with utter mortification.

"Yes but they aren't quite so loud," Isabelle had said, as she came into the room, smirking. Neither she nor Clary really minded the couple's activities, finding it rather hot when they 'accidentally' walked in. Jace obviously couldn't appreciate the view quite so much though.

"Alec _is_ a screamer," Magnus announced as he too strutted into the kitchen, throwing an arm around Alec and placing a kiss to his ruffled hair. At that point Alec found himself wishing that the floor would suck him into it. Was the whole bloody institute coming here to talk about his sex life? He couldn't even deny it though; he was a screamer.

"Alexander, I must agree with Bane," Alec nearly died when he heard his mother's voice drift into the kitchen, "you are extremely raucous and I never would have thought that people could actually _enjoy_ being whipped like that. It seems more like torture to me," at this point Alec was banging his head on the table to hopefully knock himself out or get amnesia so that he could forget this whole ordeal. His mother was discussing his sex life. She. Was. Talking. About. His. Sex. Life.

She was discussing fetishes as well, of all things, in the same dry tone as if she were discussing how many seraph blades to order or other mindless small talk.

_Kill. Me. Now._

The whole kitchen burst in to laughter, well all except Alec who was banging his head against the table vigorously until Magnus thought he was going to black out, which he probably intended, and stopped him. He rubbed Alec's head, whispering soothing words which did anything but sooth. Isabelle was clutching her sides, bent double with laughter as was Jace. Maryse had her usual cold, austere front on but Isabelle caught a glint of amusement in her glass blue eyes. She hadn't really smiled since Max's death, it was nice to see.

"Masochist,"coughed Clary, snorting with laughter in a very unattractive way. When did she get here? Yep, now the whole institute was here, laughing about his sex life, even his bloody mother, Alec noted with a groan.

"Fuck my life," moaned Alec, although it came out muffled from his position head down on the table.

Maryse obviously caught it though because she looked up sharply, scolding Alec. "Don't swear Alexander. It's uncouth and unbecoming of a fine, young shadowhunter." The three young shadowhunters had calmed down somewhat but, hearing this, began howling with laughter. Again.

Alec was about to reply but Maryse flounced out of the kitchen, an unusual small smile adorning her lips.

After several minutes of hilarity, they calmed down a little.

"Seriously?" asked Alec, shaking his head in disbelief, "she discusses my freaking sex life like it were the weather and then scolds me like a child for swearing?" Isabelle couldn't help but notice that he now wasn't swearing, as if in fear of being caught by their mother, and quickly pointed that out, sniggering.

"Fuck off," muttered Alec rather rudely, dragging a grinning Magnus out of the kitchen. Needless to say, Alec never had sex with Magnus in the institute again. At least, not when anyone was around.

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**Don't know what to say...please review. :)**


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